Author: fenrisfil

Bay of Blood (1971)

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Time for this years first trip into the world of Italian horror. This is a movie from Gialo legend Mario Bava. If you’ve been following my reviews, you may recall me waxing lyrical about “Blood and Black Lace” (1964). After that I always planned to watch more of his work. I’ve actually only seen three of Bava’s movies, but I always intended to increase that number. This particular movie was recommended to me on X, specifically as a movie that heavily influenced the slasher genre. Too much to pass up here and so I squeezed it in to my October viewing list. The screenplay is from Bava, Giuseppe Zaccariello and Filippo Ottoni. Bava does cinematography here and Stelvio Cipriani provides the music.

one night, at a bayside mansion, Countess “Federica Donati” is murdered. A short while later, the woman’s husband and apparent killer is stabbed to death. A suicide note is left behind for the countess, but the husbands body is missing by the time the police investigate. His daughter “Renata” and her husband “Albert” arrive at the bay to investigate her fathers disappearance. She has an ulterior motive though as the bay was owned by the Countess and she plans to inherit. They aren’t the only people after the bay though as real estate broker Frank Ventura and his lover, Laura are also scheming to buy the land cheap. Then there is the countess’ son (Renata’s step brother), who has been hidden from the world, living in a shack by the bay. As more murders start to happen the question becomes who is hunting who?

Thirteen Corpses

I can definitely see how this was an influence on the slasher genre. Most specifically thought, Friday the 13th (Part one). There is a whole section that is sort of a footnote to the main story, but is straight out of 80’s slasher movies. It’s almost the template for the first four Friday the 13th films, yet it’s only a 20 minute segment of the movie. It’s like other directors watched this and decide it would be even better if this was the entire movie. There’s even a bit of nudity and pre-marital sex in the mix. The rest of the movie has plenty of elements that I can see influenced future slashers, but this particular section stands out.

Of course being Giallo there is no shortage of gore. What makes this different is the faster pace and sheer number of kills. There are thirteen kills, a deliberate number (The kills were written before the story). Friday the 13th didn’t reach that body count until part IV (Exceeding it if you include Jason’s own death). Some of the kills are pretty graphic too, including a beheading that pushed the gore a little bit into the unbelievable territory. Several of these could be seen as direct influences on similar deaths within the Friday the 13th franchise. Speaking of that number (Thirteen), it’s especially relevant here as the events all kick off on the 13th. The day isn’t specified, but it could well be a Friday.

The Art of the Slasher

Bava is his own cinematographer here, and so he gets the credit for the creative filming. I especially took note of his use taking the camera out-of-focus. Bava does this throughout, sometimes through zooming, but not always. Many times this is used for a transitions. The technique helps to give the film as smooth flow instead of making hard cuts. This makes the film seem both artistic, but also a little like found footage. Another slasher element on display here is the occasional use of the first person. It is used sparingly, but effectively. Bava was forced to finish the film with a minimal budget and so it’s no surprise a lot of what he came up with ended up as standard techniques for low budget slashers.

There’s plenty of jump scares too, usually the kills come out of nowhere. Being the first of it’s kind it’s not a surprise that there aren’t any false jumps (Something that would become a mainstay of future slashers). The main difference between Bay and most slashers is (Spoiler) there are multiple killers. I won’t elaborate too much on that since that would be major spoilers, but this isn’t a folk law killer wiping everyone out. Perhaps the most interesting thing here is that visually this is a step away from what you expect from giallo. Indeed, I’m not sure it can even be classified as such. This truly is a slasher film or at least half way between the two.

Conclusion

There are however, flaws. Most of which involve the plot. The ending is frankly a bit silly and there is at least one murder that doesn’t seem to make much sense logistically. Honestly, I think this has a plot that falls apart the more you think about it. But then, this is a slasher, what did I expect? In regards to the characters, they all seemed to have personalities. Even those doomed to a short life expectancy. I wouldn’t really call it depth, but Bava at least attempts to make them seem human, which is more than I can say for some modern slashers. The acting too is decent and despite being an Italian horror, I didn’t notice any awkward dubbing.

It’s not necessarily by design that this is a proto-slasher, instead, it’s likely a result of production issues. As a slasher, the overly convoluted plots means it lacks focus. But as a giallo it lacks flair. Overall though, while not as visually stunning as Blood and Black lace, this is a groundbreaking movie. It still stands the test of time as a solid and unique slasher film, even by modern standards. It is worthy of a strong 6.5/10. This is a must see for slasher and giallo fans alike. If you aren’t a fan of either sub-genre, then it’s a mild recommendation instead.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10.

Puppet Master (1989)

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Tonight’s horror review is “Puppet Master” from 1989. Shockingly I’ve never gotten on board with this particular horror franchise. I’ve seen enough clips to be aware of the individual puppets and the general concept, but never watched a movie. That gives me a lot to catch up on because there are fifteen of them (Including one remake). The third movie “Toulon’s Revenge” is generally considered the best one, but I’m not one to skip ahead. This is of course from Charles Band’s “Full Moon Pictures” production company. The company (In one form or another) that gave us Ghoulies, Head of the Family, Tourist Trap and Bad CGI Gator, to name but a few.

Puppet Master is written and directed by “Tourist Trap” (1979) director David Schmoeller. As is often the case with these films, Charlies brother Richard provides the score. Cinematography is provided by Sergio Salvati who also performed that job for the Lucio Fulci movie “The Beyond” (1981). Paul Le Mat plays the protagonist “Alex”, but it’s an ensemble story really. You won’t know who any of these people are so I’m skipping the list. The story involves a group of psychics that are drawn together by a psychic message from an old acquaintance. An unpleasant man that has been searching for the ancient secret to giving life to the inanimate. When they arrive they find the man has died, but it seems he has plans that go beyond death.

Puppets in the Hands of Fate

This has a more complex set up than I was expecting from this movie. The group of psychics being drawn together by a message from a dead man is a pretty interesting premise in itself. It didn’t really need murderous puppets, nor did the puppets need the psychics. But, this is actually pretty normal Charles Band films of the time. Likely it was done to reduce the amount of time they had to animate the puppets. Ghoulies was very similar, with a story about sorcery that only tangentially related to the monsters. The difference here is story doesn’t get in the way of the carnage. The puppets are directly tied to the purpose of main plot rather then just being there like in Ghoulies.

The effects and animation of the puppets is pretty reasonable. Obviously these days you could do better, but nothing here took me out of it. I’m not convinced the design of Leech Woman and Pinhead (Not the one from Hellraiser) is particularly effective. Leech Woman needs people to basically stay still while she slowly vomits leeches onto them. Pinhead meanwhile just punches and strangles people, but is easily thrown off. Practicality aside, they are all pretty original and creepy looking. The acting is pretty reasonable for a low budget horror too.

Conclusion

While not a horror masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination, this was a better film than I was expecting. It’s an entirely reasonable B-Movie. That said, there’s nothing to write home about here either. No stand out scenes or characters. The puppets don’t really get enough screen time individually to call them iconic just yet, though certainly creative. Despite having a more complex than expected set up, the story itself is simple once it gets rolling. So ultimately this is an okay horror, if a little dated. But it’s quick, punchy and original and is the first of a long run of films so I’d say it’s worthwhile if you are a horror fan. Just about a 6/10.

Rating: 6 out of 10.

Antlers (2021)

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For tonight’s movie we’re heading to recent years and checking out 2021’s “Anters”. This is a horror movie from director Scott Cooper, who has given us a number of high quality movies including the excellent neo-noir “Out of the Furnace” (2013). Other movies of his include “Crazy Heart” (2009), Hostiles (2017) and more recently “The Pale Blue Eye” (2022). Antlers was Coopers first horror movie and his lowest rated on IMdb (At 5.9/10). It also scored an underwhelming 57/100 from critics on Metacritic. The story was adapted from Nick Antosca’s short story “The Quiet Boy” and stars Keri Russell, Jesse Plemons & Jeremy T. Thomas.

“Frank Weaver” (Scott Haze) runs a secret Meth lab out of an inactive mine. He and an accomplice are attacked there by a mysterious creature. Later he becomes semi-feral, constantly hungry for freshly killed meat. This is provided by his son “Lucas” (Thomas). “Julia” (Russel), a teacher at Lucas’ school starts to suspect Lucas is being abused and decides to investigate. When the body of the Meth Lab accomplice is found torn in half, Julia’s brother “Paul” (Plemons), the local Sheriff begins to investigate. When the leads bring both investigations together the pair are left with the possibility that something unnatural may be going on and that poor Lucas may be caught up in the middle of it.

The Grey, The Bland and The Average

If I could sum up Antlers in one word, it would be “Bland”. It’s not that it is particularly bad, it’s just got nothing about it that I found at all interesting. Russell and Plemons give reasonable, performances. Jeremy T. Thomas gives a good performance as disturbed child Lucas. But none of the characters are particularly compelling. There is an obvious theme here of parental abuse, but the film doesn’t really do anything of note with it. The movie is a slow burn with a fairly short running time (99 minutes). By necessity that means there isn’t a whole lot to the plot. So what we have is a fairly straight forward monster movie with a slow, plodding pace.

This is the kind of film that could perhaps be salvaged by the style. This was a Guillermo del Toro produced movie and the kind of movie I could really see shine under his direction. Instead, he hand picked Scott Cooper to direct. A good director, but I’m not sure Cooper is a well suited to horror. Here he is assisted by cinematographer Florian Hoffmeister, again not a bad choice. But what we ended up getting are very bland visuals supporting a slow, yet straightforward story. All the ingredients are here, fog, rain, dark and light. We have some wide shots and overhead shots. But it all just looks dull. Perhaps the issue is it all looks too real instead of horror films preferred ethereal look.

Oh Look, Daddy Issues

The creature itself, when we actually get to see it is pretty well constructed. Once again though, it isn’t really presented in a way that makes me feel anything. It has a pretty low body count and I barely knew any of the victims. Perhaps the area the film is most lacking is in atmosphere. It doesn’t really manage to establish a mood. Yet there were plenty of things here to work with. A child that collects roadkill to take home is pretty creepy, but that’s not really how he is presented. Instead, the movie is sympathetic to him right away, so what we are watching is drama and not horror. There’s also an innate tragedy to what has happened to his family. But neither this nor any history of abuse in the family is really explored.

Perhaps this is a case of the themes not properly resonating with the story. Lucas’ father has a secret meth lab we see in the opening. The next time we see him, he is locking himself in the basement to protect his kids. It doesn’t look like he was previously abusive to them, though obviously not father of the year. After this he slowly becomes monstrous. The suggestion is Paul and Julia’s father became abusive (or more so) due to alcoholism. So there is a clear link here. However, we’re only ever told about this abuse and honestly, it doesn’t really impact that story that much. Julia would likely have been concerned about a potentially abused child in her classroom anyway. A flashback or two could have really helped, especially with the transitions blended with the current story.

Conclusion

This movie has an IMdb rating of 5.9 (At the time of writing). As a big fan of Coopers’ “Out of the Furnace” movie from 2013, my instinct was this was a harsh rating and I would probably score it higher. Sadly, that won’t be the case. While there is no outright failures here, the acting, directing, cinematography, music and editing all all competent. It just doesn’t work. This feels like they went with the first draft of the script that clearly needed more work. I’m not sure Cooper was the right director either. He does dramas and thrillers well, but horror needs a different mentality. His “The Pale Blue Eye” (2022) had similar issues, but managed to work thanks to a more complex story and longer running time.

The best I can give this movie is a 5.5/10 and I was debating with myself between scoring it at a five. The reason being that when I give a 5.5 I normally can recommended it to at least some people. Maybe it’s a franchise movie that is of interest to fans of that franchise. Maybe it’s a fun B-Movie that while objectively bad is enough fun for fans of B-Movies to enjoy. Here though, I’m not sure this will really appeal much to anyone. But it is very competently made and doesn’t have any glaring faults. So a five would be harsh. But a six would be a universal recommendation. So a 5.5/10 it is.

Rating: 5.5 out of 10.

Brides of Dracula (1960)

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I was introduced to Hammer’s Dracula around about age ten. So for me Christopher Lee will always be my Dracula. So on the surface it may seem odd that I’ve never seen this sequel to 1958’s “Dracula” (“Horror of Dracula” to my US readers). But when you realize this is a sequel that features neither Christopher Lee nor Dracula you can probably see why I would skip it. A harsh decision to be sure, because it is still directed by the great Terence Fisher and still stars the legendary Peter cushing. Almost any Hammer film worth watching involves one or both of those people. So time to give it a chance. Jimmy Sangster, Peter Bryan and Edward Percy provide the screenplay and Jack Asher the cinematography. Composer Malcolm Williamson provides a score in the classic Hammer style of James Bernard.

Dracula is gone, but his disciples still plague Transylvania. One such vampire, “Baron Meinster” has so far been contained by his mother, the Baroness. He is kept chained in his private quarters at their castle. While his mother wishes to contain this evil, she still feeds it. The Baroness brings young women to the castle, kills them and feed his son their blood. One potential victim, “Marianne”, a school teacher passing through the area instead frees the Baron. This unleashes the evil and makes her the focus of the Baron’s dark desires. Fortunately for her, while feeling the castle she is picked up by a travelling “Doctor Van Helsing” (Cushing), in the area to hunt for just such monsters.

Brides of Meinster

Hammer horrors are formulaic, there’s no denying that. However they usually well made, have a great soundtrack and get elevated by a small number of great actors putting in powerful performances. Christopher Lee, André Morell, Michael Gough and Charles Gray are on that list of actors. But none were more important to Hammer films than Peter Cushing, who appeared in no less than twenty two of their movies. Peter of course stars here. However, there is no Christopher Lee in this “Dracula” movie. Christopher was concerned about being type cast and turned down the role. Obvious he got over it later (Appearing in another six sequels after this).

Instead of recasting Dracula, they stuck with the ending of the previous movie from 1958 and moved on to a new vampire threat. Fine in theory, though it makes the title even more misleading. “Brides of Dracula” in the novel refers to the vampire women that reside with the Count. So the two vampire women in the story could be called “Brides” but not really of “Dracula”. They actually contribute very little to the story too. But the bigger problem is the substitute “Baron Meinster” is a poor imitation. Played by a mediocre David Peel, who retired from acting not long after. His acting is solid though compared to the “Brides”.

Conclusion

While the brides role is minimal so easy to forgive, leading lady Yvonne Monlaur’s acting is inconsistent throughout. At times she’s very good, at times notably poor. Perhaps I am being a bit harsh though because this is all in comparison to Peter Cushing’s naturally flawless performance as Van Helsing. It may also be unfair to compare Meinster to Christopher Lee’s Dracula. I acknowledge that, but it’s impossible not to make that comparison in a Hammer film with “Dracula” in the title. It’s also worth noting Lee wasn’t always great as Dracula, though only because he didn’t want to be there for those later films. At his peak, there was no better Dracula.

More importantly and far less debatable is that there is no better Van Helsing than Peter Cushing. His presence raises this film up by at least one star. The music helps too. This is classic Hammer and while it doesn’t do anything new it works perfectly well. Sadly the story starts far more interestingly than it ends and it’s notable the good part of the story is the bit before Van Helsing turns up. This means the film never really peaks. Terrence Fisher competently directs throughout, but this isn’t his best work. For that, we’d have to wait another eight years for “The Devil Rides Out”. Sadly I can only give this a 5.5/10. Worthwhile for Hammer fans, but otherwise forgettable.

Rating: 5.5 out of 10.

Wyrmwood: Apocalypse (2021)

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I watched and reviewed the first Wyrmwood movie for a previous October Challenge. If you read that review, you will know that I liked the film and gave it a recommendation. It was surprisingly innovative and very impressive for the shoestring budget. I found out about the sequel right away, but I held off watching it until this year’s October challenge. So here we are. Like the first film this is written/directed and produced by Kiah Roache-Turner and stars Jay Gallagher, Bianca Bradey and Luke McKenzie. Tristan Roache-Turner assists with the writing. Cinematography is by Tim Nagle and music is by Michael Lira.

The movie picks up an indeterminate amount of time after the first film. Brooke (Bradey) and Barry (Gallagher) are travelling with another sibling pair of Grace (Tasia Zalar) and Maxi (Shantae Barnes Cowan). Grace is a hybrid, like Brooke but without the power to control other zombies. After some kind of incident between them the groups split and Grace is captured by Wasteland loner Rhys (McKenzie) and delivered to a research center where they are supposedly researching a cure. Rhys is beginning to doubt the researchers methods and goals and turns on them, teaming up with Maxi, Brooke and Barry.

Mad Max Vs Zombies

This is a grindhouse style zombie movie. There are a lot of grindhouse zombie films because it’s very easy and cheap to do and the stories largely write themselves. More upmarket zombie films may feature social commentary (All Romero’s movies), great special effects (Like in Return of the Living Dead) or a focus on human survivors (See, every Walking Dead show and spin off). Grindhouse zombie films are much more straightforward. The focus is on having some fun and not thinking too hard about it. As these goes, probably the best you are likely to get is “Planet Terror” (2007), from the double movie feature called “Grindhouse”. But the original Wyrmwood (2014) came pretty close. Introducing a Mad Max aesthetic to the genre and the idea of Zombie fumes fueling those Mad Max vehicles.

Apocalypse, follows on directly from that story and presents more of the same. This is both it’s strength and it’s biggest flaw. Although it does a relatively good job it doesn’t have the originality presented by the first film and it doesn’t move the story forward in any meaningful way. Ultimately there was no reason to do a sequel, at least not a direct sequel. The good aspects, the Mad Max stuff, the zombie fuel and the returning characters are all things we’ve seen before. In many ways this is a very safe sequel. The plot itself is mostly a duplication of the previous movie too. None of it is actually bad though, it’s just unimaginative.

Conclusion

Much like the previous movie, the acting is solid and a lot better than you usually expect for a low budget zombie film. It’s almost the same cast as the previous movie, but the quality in general seems improved. To be clear, no one is winning Oscars here, but it’s above average for grindhouse horror. The soundtrack is pretty solid and the effects work well. The cyborg zombie introduced late on does look pretty cool. The switch of roles for Luke McKenzie is another thing that works well and Rhys’ base camp and lifestyle are the closest this movie comes to an original idea. But it doesn’t last long and the focus mostly returns to re-doing the first film.

Overall, this is an okay zombie sequel. You need to watch the first Wyrmwood movie to understand it as it doesn’t really explain anything. If you have watched that and you did enjoy it, then you probably will enjoy this one. It is less innovative and doesn’t really add much to that story, but is perhaps a bit tighter and more polished production. I do like Kiah Roache-Turner as a writer/director. I’ve seen four of his movies, all were interesting and none were bad. The first “Wyrmwood” and “Nekrotronic” (2018) were actually quite good. This one is weaker, but above average overall and a solid 5.5/10. Recommended, but only if you enjoyed the first film.

Rating: 5.5 out of 10.

Weapons (2025)

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Horror is booming. The entire genre has become a licence to print money and shows no sign of slowing down. That’s not to say every film has been a success, but the general rule of low costs and easy returns has made it most profitable. Horror and Anime are the only safe bets these days, with every other genre struggling to break even. Given that, it’s no surprise to see a trend of the odd horror movie getting a huge boost from hype and word of mouth. Last year it was “The Substance” that got the hype, this year it is “Weapons”. This is a movie from writer/director Zach Cregger (Whose previous movie “Barbarian” also landed on the hype wagon). It features an ensemble cast but primarily Josh Brolin and Julia Garner. Larkin Seiple provides cinematography and music is by the collaboration between Cregger and the “Holladay Brothers”.

One night, in the town of Maybrook, Pennsylvania, seventeen children from elementary school teacher “Justine Gandy”‘s (Garner) third-grade class suddenly ran from their homes at 2:17 a.m. and disappeared. Only one student, “Alex Lilly” (Cary Christopher), remained. The story picks up two years later and follows the lives of various characters impacted by this event as they try and move on with their lives and get to the bottom of what happened. Specifically Justine, parent “Archer” (Brolin), Police Officer “Paul” (Alden Ehrenreich), junkie “James” (Austin Abrams) and the surviving child Alex. But to figure it out they must get over their own mistrust of each other first.

Narrative Technique

There are several movies that tell a story from multiple characters perspective. It’s one of a few techniques that allow the writers to hide important information from the viewer while still constructing a compelling narrative. The other main way of doing this is by telling the story out of order (Such as in “Memento” or “Strange Darlings”). The advantage with giving character perspectives is that you can change events based on how a human remembers them, adding in the “Unreliable narrator”. Weapon’s doesn’t really do this. Instead, it’s more like the time jump technique but without a set protagonist. In that regard it’s more comparable to “Strange Darlings” than a film like “Rashomon”.

The technique does had it’s advantages here. Effectively how it works is to give you a little more both at the start and end of the story with each new character. Our final character provides us with both the start and end of the story. There are a few horrors that recontextualize the timeline with it’s conclusion. There’s several that hold off from showing the true beginning of the story until the end. But I can’t think of any that progresses it in quite the same way. So point for originality there. The structure keeps the mystery alive far longer that a straight forward narrative could (Even if it held back the true beginning).

Unravelling The Mystery

The movie gives a very good atmosphere throughout. While I’m avoiding spoilers, so won’t reveal the nature of the evil in this story, I will say that I approve. It’s rare that this particular horror archetype is actually scary. A bit like vampires being made into sexy/romantic characters, this archetype is usually portrayed as heroic, misunderstood, sexy or an allegory for… Well that would give it away. So I appreciate that. Perhaps not as much as I appreciated Nosferatu and Last Voyage of the Demeter making Vampires scary again, but I do approve. This is a fairly long horror and the pacing is steady. Definite slow burn, but not one that will have you checking your watch.

Where I have some issues with the story is that it requires a seriously incompetent police investigation to work. Really almost anyone in that town not doing even the vaguest bit of investigation would have figured it out. Of course that is basically what did happen, but only after two entire years of it not crossing anyone’s mind to plot likely paths of the children for intersections. The evil plan was ultimately never going to work We’re also seeing a power level that is so off the charts that it draws into question the need for such a crazy plan. There’s a lot here that falls apart if you think about it too much.

Conclusion

Overall, this is a very impressive horror movie. If you remember my “Wolf Man” (2025) review earlier in the year you may remember that Julia Garner was the lead of that movie as well. So she gets the “Skarsgård” award for being in both the strongest and weakest horror film of the year. If you don’t get the reference, Bill Skarsgård was in both the abysmal “Crow” remake last year and the magnificent “Nosferatu”. So this is becoming a bit of a redemption arc trend. Anyway, Garner wasn’t the problem with “Wolf Man” and she’s actually very good here. The whole cast is pretty solid to be fair.

Ultimately this is a film that gives a great first experience in watching. It has definite flaws (Such as incompetent police and FBI investigations) and I am not sure it will maintain my appreciation through too many re-watches. But it’s one of the most original horror films I’ve seen for years and is well deserving of a strong 7/10. Highly recommended.

Rating: 7 out of 10.

Together (2025)

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A horror movie that got a bit of hype this year (Though not as much as “Weapons”) was Michael Shanks feature film directorial debut “Together”. Written and directed by Shanks (Not the Stargate actor btw), but designed as a vehicle for husband and wife actors Dave Franco and Alison Brie. This is a loud and proud body horror, with the trailer being pretty clear with the viewers where the movie is headed. The two leads are joined by Damon Herriman as the only other cast member of note. Cinematography is by Germain McMicking and music by Cornel Wilczek.

Millie Wilson (Brie) and Tim Brassington (Franco) move to the countryside so that Millie can take up a job teaching elementary school English. This is tough on Tim, who is dealing with the recent passing of his parents, can’t drive and is trying to pursue a career as a musician. Despite his issues, he loves Millie and their bond is strong. It’s about to get a lot stronger though. After going on a hike around the nearby forest the pair fall into a cave during a rainstorm and are forced to stay there for the night. They wake, to find their legs stuck together by something, but are able to separate them. Over the next few days though the pair are inexplicably drawn to each other and find their bodies fusing together. They desperately try and stay apart, while figuring out what is happening.

Chemistry

This is certainly an interesting film. The big negative here is that it really doesn’t do that much more than what you already see in the trailer. The basic premise is basically, this thing is happening to this couple. Eventually they get a little info on it, but it doesn’t really add anything. There were no extra layers beyond what I already knew going in. This is two lovers, being forced physically together in a body horror film. That’s it. It’s also worth noting there is still (At the time of writing) a law suit alleging this film is a rip off of the 2023 film “Better Half”. The script for which was apparently pitched to Brie and Franco in 2020, but they declined. It’s hard to know the truth, but this kind of thing happens all the time in Hollywood.

The big positive of this film is the two stars. Brie and Franco are married in real life (And have been since 2017) so unsurprisingly, they have great chemistry together. You do truly get the impression they are in love and this is what makes the film really work. The body horror stuff isn’t really that shocking if you’ve watched much Cronenberg. The plot is also minimal and feels linear. On top of this, movie has a tiny cast and so puts all the weight on the two leads. Fortunately between the chemistry and the fact they are both good actors, it makes the movie work. Brie especially shines here. There’s also some solid cinematography and direction from Germain McMicking and Michael Shanks respectively.

Two Become One

One surprising thing is this is really a bit of a black comedy. It’s not like there is a lot of humour here, but it is present. Most specifically in one situational bit and a one line joke about diazepam. That joke made me laugh but it was in the middle of one of the most intense scenes of the film, so not really where I was expecting to be laughing. Honestly, not sure how I feel about that one. I’m swaying towards it being a demonstration of the characters chemistry and okay. That said, using the Spice Girls “Two Become One” song, felt a little too goofy for the film. Interestingly two out of three of these elements are key parts of the “Better Half” lawsuit, and that film is more of a comedy.

Overall this is a pretty good body horror. It’s not something I’m likely to want to re-watch. It’s not likely to become a cult classic or get Oscar nominations (Like “The Substance” did last year). But if you like body horror or romantic horror it’s worth watching. If you like both then I definitely recommend it. I’m giving this a solid 6/10. It would be higher, but I don’t feel like I got much more from the movie than I did the trailer. This is the execution of a basic idea and not much else. If the trailer got your interest, give it a watch. But don’t expect to be blown away.

Rating: 6 out of 10.

Alien: Earth – Part 8: The Real Monsters (Review)

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I am only doing this for completeness. This episode was equal parts stupid, disappointing and predictable. This was about as bad as it could possibly have been. There were perhaps three bits that may chart a path to a marginal redemption, but if it does it will be too little, too late. The main thing I’ve learned personally from doing these reviews is exactly why I favour movies to TV and why I really don’t want to do any TV reviews again. At least not for still running shows. Apparently I didn’t learn my lesson from “LOST”. I like stories, not ideas randomly thrown at a wall to see what sticks and then badly collected up and put in the bin.

I think what makes a TV series work is the characters. Since you may not get a complete story and if you do it may take years, you need to have good characters. LOST at least did have that and still bitterly disappointed. So when a show doesn’t have good characters, what chance does it have? Well, Alien: Earth is a good example of that. Since the previous episode sabotaged both Kirsh and Morrow, the only interesting character was Eyeball Squid. By the end of this episode I barely cared about that creature either. So let’s get onto the failings of this episode and show in general. There are definitely spoilers here.

The Show Gets Dumber

This show is definitely set in the Idiocracy universe. Weyland-Yutani decided to send in Morrow with a small team first before attacking in force. That’s fine. Morrow cuts off the islands communication (Not shown in the previous episode) meaning no one can report the attack. Then it gets stupid.Morrow follows up his sabotage with a direct front assault into a heavily armed and protected base with just two soldiers supporting him. These soldiers have vanished by this episode, because of course they did. Why even do that if your boss is about to send over multiple drop ships full of troops? But to make it worse they have a really long delay between the stealth assault and the main attack. The only reason is because they needed the plot to happen.

After his ridiculous plan for three man frontal assault failed, Morrow has now abandoned his mission and just wants to kill everyone. When coming face to face with Slightly, instead of using his family for leverage with a clever buff (Or legit threat), he meekly apologizes. Naturally he is easily taken out. Meanwhile Kirsh is reduced to a nothing character. No motivations, no plans, his role apparently over. Outside his fight with Morrow, Kirsh had nothing to do this episode. The head of security, Eins is still completely useless and is revealed as an android about 5 seconds before Wendy gains the new magic power of shutting down androids. Lame.

Wasn’t This Meant to be an Alien Show?

The Aliens or “Xenomorph’s” as the show likes to call them are no longer scary. But they are sometimes threatening. Basically in this show if the plot needs them to be really easy to take down, they are. But if Wendy is using her magic super powers of controlling them suddenly a lone one can take down entire squads of heavily armed marines without breaking a sweat. It’s not just the weird looking one born from a tadpole eating a lung (I could rant about that too). The new alien born from the regular lifecycle appears to be under control too. These creatures are now 100% loyal to their android mistress. Apparently their drive to capture and reproduce has been entirely replaced by being Wendy’s pet. Utterly ridiculous.

We don’t even get to see most of the alien action either. I think this episode literally spent more time with mouth closeups on Wendy making her clicking sounds than actually showing the Aliens kill things. Remember, this whole show exists because of these creatures. The franchise isn’t called “Android”, it’s called “Alien”. To be fair a good few entries in the franchise revolve around rogue androids, but that wasn’t the focus. Here it is and the “Xenomorph’s” are almost entire redundant. So much for Ripley’s warning of “If even one of those things gets down here….”.

Because The Plot Needed to Happen

The plant pod creature finally kills someone. But it’s totally random and clearly just put in there for the sake of saying it finally did something. What it did was the most generic thing it could do. So this is your average monstrous man-eating plant. Nothing special, at least not in this universe. The insects and flies have nothing to do at all here. You’d think with rogue androids everywhere maybe letting the flies out may be a tactic. But no one thinks of that. Indeed outside the hybrids, no one thinks of anything. Not a single person has a single idea. Cavalier, Kirsh and Eins all know Wendy can hack things and control Aliens and yet don’t take a single step to counter that or prepare for it. They don’t appear to have any kind of plan at all.

Basically this episode is everyone else sitting around and waiting for sociopath Wendy to kill them, imprison them and take over the facility. Cavalier is mostly just interested in putting Eyeball squid on Joe (The most predictable part of this episode). However rather than sticking around to watch, he decides he needs to go and give a monologue to the hybrids. He knows Wendy’s powers, but decides one guard should be fine. Side note here, not only did they do nothing about Wendy, even knowing their abilities. They also repaired out of control psycho Nibs and imprisoned previously loyal Curly. Basically making sure a team of super beings were at maximum strength and could easily escape.

Any Hope For Redemption?

So those three bits that I mentioned at the start. First of all one of the hybrid androids, Smee, actually seems to have a conscience. Not enough to do much about it, but it’s clear he is at least a little uncomfortable with how psychotic everyone else seems to be. Then there is the brother, Joe, who despite calling saving the lives of his friends from psychotic Nibs “A mistake”, is obviously uncomfortable. Then there is Wendy’s comments to Cavalier where it really seemed like she was talking about herself, not Cavalier. Coupled with her comment about “Ruling” at the end and it seems the show may actually consider her a villain. But it’s still not clear. Was the episode title the cliché of “Humans are the real monsters” or did it mean these hybrids?

The big problem is that this is something that impacts the entire show and I’m not inclined to wait around another three slow, tedious seasons of stupidity to find out. I actively dislike every single character in this show and possibly despise Wendy. A text book Mary Sue whose powers (Not shared with the other hybrids) have no explanation or apparent limit and who everyone seems to love or favour for no reason. That includes the other hybrids, Kirsch, Cavalier, the Xenomorphs, and her brother (Who accepted her as his sister too easily). I still think Eyeball squid is destined for Cavalier, but they may take years to pull the trigger on that and I’ve already stopped caring. If Cavalier was so smart, he’d have built in a kill switch to his hybrids, but no, he’s an idiot and so who cares what his fate is.

Final Verdict

So there we have it. A show that had a lot of potential early on. Clearly had a lot spent on it but totally blew it in regards to plot and characters. There’s still no justification for this being a prequel, but we are at the stage with it where that doesn’t matter. The show itself is bad regardless of where in the Alien timeline it is set. Everyone has their limit to how much stupidity from characters and plots they can forgive for their escapist entertainment. I know some people felt the show crossed that right out the door, some are perhaps still okay. But for me episode 7 crossed the line and this episode fell right off the cliff. Every character in this show is an idiot. When someone is on top, it’s not because they are clever, but because everyone else is dumb.

By far the worst element of this show was always the hybrids and they have ended up the only part of the show that actually matters. Not the Aliens, not the corporations and not any of the human characters. The new creatures had potential but were really just kill cameos that went nowhere. The world building in the first few episodes was good, but then the show shrank down to the island setting and the world building stopped. Literally everything in this show has ended in disappointment and yet the show keeps going. We didn’t get a single answer to any of our questions. So I am done. It’ll likely be two years before this show returns, but I have no intention of watching it. Episode Rating 3/10

Final Series rating: 4/10 – Not worth it. However, episode 5 is probably worth watching for most fans of the franchise. It’s pretty much a stand alone tribute to “Alien”. Not as good mind, so it’s not a must see or anything, but it remains the highlight of this disappointing show.

Rating: 4 out of 10.

Back to movie reviews for me and I’m very glad October is around the corner. I need 31 horror film reviews to purge this mess from my memory. See you soon!

The Car (1977)

Posted on by fenrisfil

Years before Stephen King wrote his movie about an evil car in “Christine”, there was “The Car”. This is a story about an intimidating black car that goes on a psychotic killing spree around a small American town. The movie is directed by Elliot Silverstein and written by Michael Butler, Dennis Shryack and Lane Slate. The movie stars James Brolin (Westworld, Amityville Horror) as “Deputy Wade Parent”. Supporting cast includes Kathleen Lloyd, John Marley, Ronny Cox and Elizabeth Thompson. The car itself, a highly customized 1971 Lincoln Continental Mark III, was designed by famed Hollywood car customizer George Barris. This was rebooted in 2019 with “The Car: Road to Revenge”, but we don’t talk about that. It was also directly parodied in the Futurama episode “The Honkening”.

Wade is a deputy in the desert town of “Santa Ynez”, Utah. He has two daughters that he is raising by himself. His girlfriend “Lauren” (Lloyd) is a free spirited teacher of the town school. Life in this quiet town is heavily disrupted with the appearance of a mysterious car that seems to be going out of it’s way to kill people. The local police are tasked with taking the vehicle down and bringing it’s driver to justice. Though according to one witness, there is no driver. As the police close in, it becomes apparent this is no ordinary car and it will require more than simple road blocks and guns to stop it.

The Honkening

Well, I it’s nice to finally get what that Futurama episode was parodying. I recognised the car design right away. Notably different though is that the real thing doesn’t come with any kind of explanation. I’m not one that says it’s always better to not know. Some genres such as Science Fiction tend to be better when you do get to the bottom of the mysteries. But that is a genre of discovery. Horror is a genre of fear, and fear of the unknown is universal. Things get more complicated when you cross genres (Especially for Sci-Fi/Horror), but this is straight horror and so keeping it mysterious was smart. We don’t even get to find out if there really was no one behind the wheel.

Another thing I’d like to mention about this film is the use of the “Dies Irae” musical motif. I wouldn’t be shocked if the name means nothing to you, but you would probably recognise it. Dies Irae is a 13th-century Gregorian chant meaning “Day of Wrath”. The melody was re-purposed in classical music to evoke fear and foreboding and that trend carried over to horror movies where it found recurring use. It’s most famous (Though not first) use is probably in 1971’s “A Clockwork Orange”. It also appears in “Friday The 13th” and “Doctor Sleep”. It fits here remarkably well and helps to push the viewer to the conclusion it wants in regard to what the car is. Nice work.

Motor Mayhem

Overall this is a surprisingly good movie. The premise simple and since they don’t ever reveal anything about the car, it stays simple. The cops have to stop the psychotic rampage of a mysterious black car. That’s it. To make that kind of plot work you need to have some interesting characters and they achieve that. That’s not to say any of those characters are super deep and conflicted or even especially charismatic. It’s more that they aren’t 2-dimensional and feel like real people. Out from the lead and a fair way into the supporting cast you have characters with their own motivations and backstory. All smoothly worked into the story.

But the car itself is also a character. It throws tantrums and holds grudges, but it also love to play with it’s prey. It acts pretty much as you would expect pure evil to act. Unlike “Christine”, the more famous killer car, this machine has no owner and no affection for anyone. Though it won’t bother to kill an unrepentant wife beater. The devil recognizes his own. The car also looks the part. A heavily customized 1971 Lincoln Continental Mark III, with darkened glass, no door handles and other tweaks. Add to that some mean engine sounds and horn and a windstorm that heralds it’s arrival and you have an imposing presence and quite the non-human antagonist.

Conclusion

It’s been a good few years since I watched “Christine”, so it’s hard to do a comparison. I think this probably isn’t as good, but it’s definitely a worthy challenger and it should be remembered came a good few years ahead of even the novel of Christine. There’s a good chance King (And John Carpenter) was influenced by this film. While the plot is simple and the movie probably won’t blow you away, it’s execution is about as good as you could expect in 1977. Like a lot of 70’s horror it has a little unexpected edginess. Being a likable character won’t save you here. This is a very strong 6.5/10. Recommended.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10.

Alien: Earth – Episode Seven

Posted on by fenrisfil

Well, I wasn’t going to do single episode reviews for this show, but here we are. This one is going to be a bit of a rant because this show just jumped the shark. To be fair, it jumped the shark in episode two but I was willing to give it another chance. Now it’s playing pat-a-cake with Cthulhu. I’m not sure if this episode was as terrible as it felt or if it was just the straw the broke the camels back. There is only so much stupid I can deal with and I regularly watch B-Movie horror films. Last October I reviewed “Bad CGI Gator”. I can handle stupid. But there has to be limits. This is the dumbest episode of the series so far and one of the most disappointing. Of course we get some “Xenomorph” kills and a chest burst scene so some people will give it a pass I’m sure.

The Idiot Olympics

This episode killed off my interest in two out of three of the characters I previously found worth watching. Morrow is now just an idiot. Kirsh meanwhile lost all his mystery and it turns out he just manages situations by letting them get as out of control and have as high a body count as possible and then wrap it up at the last possible moment. That’s not a good management style! He may be the dumbest character of all. He’s only a step ahead of Morrow because he has access to the android hybrids sensory information and Morrow is too stupid to realize this. If you’ve been following, you’ll know the third of those characters and now the only one I’m interested in is the eyeball squid. This is where I’m at now with this show.

It’s easy to forget that Kirsh is actually meant to be the head scientist, not security chief. So why does he seem to be in charge of managing the security of the island, even down to being able to let these situations get wildly out of control so he can pull a trap that relies on Morrow being a complete tool. The actual security chief seems to be completely out of the loop of everything that actually involves security. Instead it seems to be running human resources. And that was one other character I was warming to. Nope, another idiot. Still, Morrow takes the cake for stupidity. His plan involved hoping a chestburster didn’t burst, having no plan to recover it if it did and then just marching straight in through the front door of the facility with only two troops supporting him, directly into an obvious kill zone.

My Pet Alien

Sadly, the stupidity doesn’t end there. All the hybrid androids are so incredibly stupid that I want to see them get wiped out. Especially Wendy, who is a complete sociopath. Now though, she’s a sociopath with the magic power of controlling “Xenomorphs” and despite my past speculation, the reason for this ability seems to be “Because we thought it’d be cool”. It isn’t. It takes the agency from the aliens themselves, making them pointless. That they can even be controlled, especially by some random android with the mind of a child, ruins them. They made a conscious decision to move the iconic aliens from “Scary” to “Cute”. That sums up this series really. You don’t need to fear the Aliens, you need to fear Wendy and Nibs.

In the previous episode the “Clever” people in charge decided that wiping Nibs memory of her psychotic breakdown would make everything okay. They didn’t bother to tell any of the other kids. They didn’t think that huge multi-day gap in her memory would be noticed (Including not know who Joe is, or the where the aliens came from). Nibs is clearly psychotic, but Wendy decided of all the kids she was the one that needed to be in the outside world She didn’t even look for Slightly and Smee. But then, Wendy is just as bad as Nibs. She happily releases her pet “Xenomorph” to kill innocent lab workers so that she can later use it to kill anyone else in her path. This is not a “Good” character.

The Hierarchy of Intelligence

Our one remaining good guy, the damp behind the ears Joe finally develops a character trait beyond protecting his “Sister”. But it’s nothing deeper than a basic regard for human life. This was enough to put him at odds with his sister however. Joe finally stands up to her blood lust and she acts with shock and revulsion, like he is the villain. This brings me to one of the make or break questions of the show. Do the show runners realize Wendy is a villain? We won’t find out until the final episode and honestly I’m not sure which way it’ll go. We may also find out if there is any believable reason for her magic powers. I’m guessing no to that one.

The one character left that is interesting is eyeball squid. It’s painfully obvious Kavalier wants to put the squid on Joe. I still think he’s destined to get it himself. That is a scene I am looking forward to in the finale. Kavalier is also an idiot, but that’s his character arc. He is destined to be a victim of his own hubris and that is fine. Right now the smartest character on this show is Eyeball Squid, followed by the various bug aliens, then probably the plant pod, who is still do contribute anything. The “Xenomorph’s” come in last among the creatures, but still ahead of the humans. I am starting to wonder if this show is actually set in the Idiocracy universe.

The Downward Spiral

Before I get to my verdict, were there any positives? The pace in this episode was good. Quite a lot happened (Even if most of it was stupid). As I mentioned, Joe finally got some character development. We did get “Xenomorph” action That’s it, but the action wasn’t great. For the third episode in a row they casually called the aliens “Xenomorphs”. There’s no getting around it, they’ve canonized a fan misinterpretation of a line from Aliens. They also started to refer to Synthetics as “Synths”, which isn’t a canon violation or anything, but does make the dialogue sound more like “Fallout” than “Aliens” (Where they said “Synthetic” or “Android”). Oh and there continues to be no reason for this show to be prequel.

So what’s the verdict? Well you can tell from the ranting that I was not a fan of this one. I know some people don’t mind a plot that requires total stupidity from everyone involved for it to work. I also know most people don’t really care about how the show impacts the larger franchise. That kind of thing is only important to those nerdy enough to re-watch an entire franchise. That’s me. I’m nerdy enough. So I want every entry in a franchise to be complementary and not contrary. I’m giving this episode a 4/10 and reducing the series rating to a 5/10. Recommendation rescinded! The show has one last chance to win me over. Can it do it?

Rating: 5 out of 10.